Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
