Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
