The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
