The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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