birth control should be required to get into college
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
