U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
