This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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