well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
