I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
