apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
