Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
