their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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