The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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