Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
