Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
