you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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