I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
