This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
