They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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