didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
