I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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