end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
