Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
