i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
