Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
