She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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