My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
