he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
