I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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