i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
