When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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