Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
