So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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