The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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