I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
