Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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