I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
