Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
