did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
