i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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