wanna go halves on a baby?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
