I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
