There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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