You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
