I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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