Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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