When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
