i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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