I wish you could order shots online.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's blow job season.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have already put on my inside pants.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
