Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
