I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
